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Why do we give up?

It is an obvious question to have: why do we give up?

We get ideas, start things, and sometimes even declare to those around us, "From today, I am going to do this." Then time passes, and somehow, sometimes without even realizing it, we give up. We abandon projects we were once passionate about, or we stop going to the gym where we paid an annual membership fee, fully intending to attend daily.


The obvious answer?

If you ask anyone, the obvious answer will be that we give up because we find it difficult. And it is difficult! Whether it's starting a new habit, learning a new skill, or embarking on a project with no guidelines, it's tough.


But, why do we actually give up?

We don't give up because it's difficult; we give up because it doesn't go as we expected..


It is all about expectations...

Imagine you want to start going to the gym. It's the 1st of January, you're motivated and excited to change yourself and improve your health. You're convinced that this year will be different. But if someone asked me what the chances are that you'll give up in a few weeks? I'd say high. It's not because I lack faith in you; it's because I believe your expectations might not be realistic.


A flag with text "We do this not because it is easy, but because we thought it would be easy."
Credit: Adio Ressi on LinkedIn

Before starting at the gym, if you expect that every morning you'll have to drag yourself from your cozy bed, and every morning you won't feel like going, you'll find excuses not to go. You'll resent that alarm and that trainer for interrupting your sleep. You'll have to go five times a week, regardless of whether you stayed up late the night before, or you're not in the mood, or your body is sore. For most people, and maybe for you as well, there won't be a day when you'll enjoy this, but you'll still have to do it (almost every day). You'll regret deciding to go to the gym; you'll regret sacrificing your sleep. After each workout, you'll be sore, you'll have to start eating healthier, and on top of all that, you won't see any physical changes for a long time. Knowing all of this, you still want to start.


If you start going to the gym with these expectations, I would say the likelihood that you'll give up is very low.


It is not the difficulty that makes us give up; it's the unexpected challenges.

So what's the solution?

Difficulties are part and parcel of life. No matter what you do, as long as you're alive, difficulties will come. So instead of avoiding or ignoring them, expect them to come your way.


Before starting anything new, have the most realistic expectations. Anticipate the difficulties that will come along. Don't be overly optimistic about the journey; be pessimistic. Be hopeful only about the destination (your WHY, which also helps a lot in not giving up, but that's a topic for another discussion). Right now, seek out people who can give you the most honest answers and ask them about the anticipated difficulties.


After having these realistic expectations, expect some unexpected challenges as well. There will be things you might not have accounted for, but they will come. And at those times, you might really want to give up. But at those times, remind yourself that this was expected, you had prepared for the unexpected, and focus on your goal, your WHY.

This can provide a solid foundation to start and sustain something new.


Be optimistic about all the ideas, but be pessimistic about the difficulties that will arise in the process.

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